Stress Level Rising

So I haven’t been posting much.  And it’s not that there isn’t anything going on for me to write about, it’s that there’s too much going on and I don’t really know what all to say, so I just don’t say anything.


Mom found a lump in her breast.  Turns out that it was only a lymphnode.  But my dad and the doctors wanted to know why, all of a sudden, after she was finished with her chemotherapy, was this lymphnode acting up.  So they did a biopsy and the results are back on thursday.  Good scenario: it’s just reacting to her having had chemo.  Bad Scenario: she has an infection somewhere in her body. Worst Scenario: She has lymphoma of some sort.




Now, this has all been happening over the last month.  That’s enough stress for one person, right?  wrong.  Two weeks ago, my brother decided to add into the fun.


At approximately 430 in the morning 2 saturdays ago, my brother got into his vehicle (a late 1990’s SUV) and started to drive his buddy and himself home.  However, he was still a little buzzed from the drinking that he had done earlier in the night.  Not drunk, but still buzzed. It was also 430 in the morning.  And so, in order to avoid a ‘deer’, which I put in quotes because a part of me still doesn’t believe him that there was a deer, my brother swerved.  But, being slightly inebriated like he was, he lost control of his vehicle.


The vehicle then hit a telephone pole and flipped over onto the roof.  My brother and his buddy both crawled out of the wreckage.  Luckily, they were both fine, and thank god they were wearing their seatbelts. However, my brother was arrested later that morning for DUI.  As well as leaving the scene, failing to have his insurance and registration cards (which were in the vehicle that he had left).


And so, this brings us up to last week, where it was determined that in order for him to really keep his job, I needed to be his ride.  I was going to be charging him money, like a taxi would, but I am a soft-hearted weakling and I just can’t do it.  So he gave me some money for gas today, but that’s it.  I take him into work, and I pick him up from work. I take him to the lawyer’s, I take him to the eye doctors, etc etc.


I, who doesn’t really like driving all that much and who doesn’t really like leaving the house unless necessary, am now on the road every day of the week, at least twice a day.  It also means that just about every errand or chore that I have to do either has to be done early in the day, or squeezed in after dropping him off.  Now I haven’t given times on this because I know most people will scoff or laugh because of the times that I am talking.


But please, keep in mind, I am essentially on a Kiwi sleep schedule.  I get up around 12noon EST (6am Kiwi), Brother has to be into work by 4pm (10am Kiwi).  In order to get most errands done, I have to be out of the house by 130pm (730am Kiwi), but back in the house by 300pm (9am Kiwi) in order to make sure the brother is up.


That’s good time, I will admit that.  However, add in whatever errands he needs to do, plus the time to get him up and dressed and eaten.  And then the errands that have to be run after I drop him off, and then come home, do some quick chores and be done enough to start dinner around 6pm (Noon Kiwi) for the parents to be home by 7pm (1pm Kiwi).  Then dinner lasts until 8pm (2pm kiwi), and then everybody goes their separate ways.


Mom’s usually in bed by 9pm (3pm), Dad goes to bed probably anytime between 10pm-11pm (4-5pm Kiwi).  I have to get Brother at 10pm on the weekdays and 11pm weekends.    And then he comes home, flops down on the couch and flips through the television channels for about 4 hours or so.


Which is a habit enough to make me crazy.


I’m usually upstairs by midnight (6pm Kiwi) because E is usually home around that time, or shortly after.  We spend a few hours together until I finally pass out around about 3am (9pm kiwi).  and then do it all again the next day.


Add into all of this the added stress that I put on myself last weekend by working on my resume/CV in order to have it done and ready for when I get to kiwiland.  This put my stress level up to a seriously high note.  I don’t really know why exactly, other than it’s a fairly important document that tells people what I’ve done with my life and by this point in my life it doesn’t seem like I’ve accomplished anywhere near what I should have.


It’s really kinda stressful to reduce yourself down to only a few pages of information to hand over to somebody that you are hoping will hire you.  Or at least call you in for that all important interview.  It’s even more stressful when it feels like nobody around you really wants to help, or even cares enough to.


That’s not fair.  My friends D, S, and my E all helped, as did my father.  But the stress comes from my mother seemingly not giving two flying squirrels, all because of some other drama to be explained in a later post.


But to feel as though you have no support in doing something that is obviously so important, that makes things difficult.  And then to be told to your face that what you’re doing isn’t important, it doesn’t matter, it’s a waste of time, that hurts too.


Add on top of all of this the sweetest cherry on top.  The magical mystical birth control is at it again, my hormones are completely whackedout and I have been on my ‘period’ for 3 weeks now.  With the actual ‘period’ part of the birth control not being started until next week.


So if this post is excessively whiny, or over the top drama, it’s because I’m an emotional, hormonal mess.  There is one very positive thing in my life right now.


Not counting tomorrow, there are 7 wednesdays between me and an airplane.  Seven.  Less than 2 months now.  49 days.


Yeah, my stomach is doing flips now.


Ok, I think I vented enough.  I’m going to go make some tea or something.

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