So. As if I didn’t have enough motivation before. Went to the doctors in order to get the physical done for the immigration paperwork. And going through all the tests and things, you know, breathe here, does this hurt, deep breath, look past my earring, that kind of thing. You know, a typical physical.
In doing this I found out that I had lost 3kg since starting at the gym (YAYYYY) about a month ago, and that my blood pressure and pulse rates were fine and that there was nothing bad in my urine. Awesome. As we’re heading out, though, the doctor says to me, “The only thing that might hurt you is the weight.”
And then, we get home and I look over the paperwork and on the back of the physical form, I see this:
Now, I know what you’re thinking. It’s probably close to what I thought. Yeah, i’m obese, but it’s not that abnormal!
And then i realized. It is. Just because a big part of the population of the world, and especially the USA, is obese, doesn’t make it any more normal. Seeing that there, written as it is, and knowing that my future happiness is riding on this just goes to prove one thing to me.
For once in my life, I want to be considered Normal.
It’s abnormal to be this heavy, to put this much strain and weight on my bones and muscles and joints. It’s abnormal for a human being to get this big, and to weigh this much. I am abnormal. A freak. Something that should not be. And I’m not entirely sure just how to handle that.
I’ve known all my life that being ‘heavy’ and ‘fat’ and ‘overweight’ is something bad. And it’s something that I should change for the betterment of myself and my family and everything else. But to have it explained, to have it written down and see it described as ‘abnormal’, that’s a bit much. It’s a shock to the system. To the brain. I am not what I am supposed to be. This is not what I am supposed to look like, or what anybody is supposed to look like.
Well, I’ve never once tried to be normal before, but this time. this time i want to be normal. I want to be what I am supposed to be. I will fight this, I will be stronger, move better, and live healthier. And goddamn if in 2 years, when i go back for the next physical, I will not be abnormal.
I will simply be me.