Tag Archives: weight loss

Life Lesson Learned: Laundry Edition

So here I am, hanging out on my porch, well in the carport, hanging up my laundry.  See, I’d normally be on the porch, but it’s a touch windy today and the last thing I need is to have the laundry topple over (again!) onto the landlord’s daughters new flower bed.  Not good.  So instead, I’m going to take advantage of the carport’s wind-tunnel nature and put the laundry to hang in there, relying upon the not-quite gale force winds to dry my clothing.  Sure, they don’t get sunshine this way, but I also don’t spend most of my afternoon going out to pick them up off the deck and pick dried leaves and dirt from what were clean clothes.  And yeah, I could tuck them in the little space where E’s motorbike is parked, we get some sunlight there in the afternoons.  But the last time I did that and a big gust of wind came through, I was chasing the laundry down the driveway as the towels acted as sails for the Good Ship Clothing Drive that was careening towards the road.   Not a particularly fun way to spend twenty minutes.

 

So there I was, in the carport, hanging up the clothes when I came to this one shirt of mine in particular.  Now this shirt I’ve had for several years and it has seen it’s fair share of ups and downs.  It’s a gray shirt with an orange collar and orange sleeves and I got it from Old Navy, who knows how long ago.  It’s a comfortable shirt, well worn and well loved.  I use it mainly for around the house now and lazy weekends with nothing to do but relax with my man.  But today, something about this shirt made me stop as I was hanging it up.

 

I’m not sure if it was the voluminous amounts of fabric that were just not agreeing with me or the hangers.  Or if it was the somewhat stubborn seeming insistence that it would quite simply not stay on the hanger at all, thank you kindly.  But once I finally hung it up, I paused in my usual chore doing and looked at it.  Really stopped and looked at it.

 

“This shirt is huge!” I thought to myself, and half said aloud.  I turned it this way and that and then this way again, looking it over.  Now true, it was wet and it had just gone through a bit of a battle with me and the washer and a pair of pants that decided it was a great time to turn into an octopus, so it was slightly stretched out.  But no. Even accounting for that, the shirt was huge. Enormous. And that thought, of course, got me thinking other thoughts.

 

The shirt was a 3XL.  I bought it because it was comfortable to fit in.  It was nice and light, gave me room to breathe, but also room to hide. I never quite filled it all the way out, and I’m very glad for that, but I fit into it comfortably.  It was a nice second skin for me. The shirt allowed me to get service in almost every establishment I went into without really letting on just how fat I was. We were secret companions in an ongoing battle with reality.  And dammit, we were winning, my shirt and I.

 

But now, here and now, on this day, I am hanging up this shirt and it is huge. Giant. I could swallow a small child and not even notice it had eaten.  I remembered thinking the other night when I was wearing it, that it was almost like a nightgown, only a little shorter.  I looked down at the shirt that I was wearing today.  A black t-shirt. Nothing special, nothing amazing. Just one that came from those three packs of t-shirts from the Men’s department at WalMart.  it’s comfortable, not too snug, but also not too loose.  I could do my workout in this shirt if I needed to.  I can also do my dishes and still feel comfortable.  Just to make sure, I turned the shirt sideways slightly and I peeked a look at the tag.

 

XL.

 

Talk about your mind being blown.  It’s hard, sometimes, when you’re so close to everything happening, to really see the progress being made.  But I was standing there, obsessively staring at this old shirt of mine, not quite realizing that I was looking at the progress I had made.  I used to fit into that. Now, I fit into this.

 

I used to hide behind that fabric, now I’m starting to own this fabric. I used to wrap myself in security in that shirt, now I’m becoming more outgoing in this one. I did that. I beat that. I beat that old shirt.  And I’m starting to beat this new shirt as well.

 

I have a size large t-shirt hanging up in my bedroom.  It’s my Nanowrimo shirt that I bought last year.  It was way too small for me then, it’s still slightly too small for me now.  Next year, next year, It will be too big for me.  I have come so far, but I have still further to go.  But for the moment, I’m going to finish my laundry, and then have a cuppa tea.

 

Thank you, Grey and Orange shirt. Thank you.

Seasons Change

Wow.  Not since April.  Huh.

 

I guess this is where everybody expects a big info dump of my life in the last 5 months.  Truth to be told, there’s not much to tell.  I’m still in New Zealand, I’m still madly in love, and I’m still unemployed!

 

There, my life summed up.  Well, ok there’s more to it than that.  I’m still going to the gym, and I’m still losing the weight.  Slowly, but it’s happening. It’s steady, and I’m looking more at a lifestyle change than rapid “ohgod get it off me before summer!!!!!”.  Because even when summer hits, and even after I hit my goal weight, I’m still probably not going to wander around in a bikini.  It would just be weird.
And blinding.  My skin’s a bit… pale. Light would reflect from the surface of my skin and blind everybody.

 

Hmm.  maybe this could be the start of a new trend.  Nobody minds wearing bathing suits because nobody can see anybody else due to blinding skin whiteness.

 

Anyway, what else is happening?  Well E and I went back to the states to visit my parents and go to PAX again.  I suppose I could do a post all on those once I get my head straightened back out.  Pax was awesome, just saying.  Even if I didn’t go anywhere near the expo hall or do anything overtly geeky (although I suppose spending two entire days playing board games is a bit geeky.  But i got to be a pirate in one and the other I killed zombies! Totally not geeky!).

 

And now, I’m back home, getting back into the fitness swing of things, back into the crocheting swing of things, and back into the packing swing of things.

 

Packing?

 

Why yes, packing.  Because in about two months we’ll be living in a new place.  And so when that happens, people pack! it’s a natural thing, no need to be afraid of it.

 

So yes, I am back.  I will do what I can to keep you all updated with the absolutely mundane things that make up my life.  Even if all they are revolve around the gym, my crochet, and tea.

 

Tea can be entertaining, right?

 

 

Today’s Brew:  Twining’s Earl Grey

Total cups so far: 5

Getting Back Up

Hi!

 

Have you missed me?

 

Well life has been a series of busy lately, and while all of it has been fantastic, none of it really lends itself to being ‘blog-worthy’.  Or at least, not in a way that I can think of just yet.  So what has been happening in life down here in kiwiland?  Well, let me tell you.

 

A couple weekends ago two of our really close friends got married.  It was an absolutely fantastic day, the ceremony went off just as was planned and the Bride and Groom had a great time.  I was so very happy to be not only invited but to also be a part in helping them plan and get ready for their day.  Having only known them for a few months, it’s truly amazing just how close we’ve become.  I can’t express enough or in the proper words just how humbled and grateful I am to the pair of them for allowing me to spend time with them and share in their joy on that day.  Love you both R&K!

 

This past weekend, another pair of our friends moved into their new house! And we, of course, helped them move!  Now, I know that does not necessarily sound like a barrel of laughs, and it was some hard work, but it was also absolutely great.  We got to spend time with friends, help them move onto their next big step, and generally just enjoy everybody’s company.  And while helping them move, unpack, and settle into their new place, I had time to look back, reflect, and focus on just how far this life that I’m living now is to the ones that I’ve lived before.  Doing physical labor, but laughing and joking at the same time. Everybody coming together collectively to help out, and then sitting around a table (which is gorgeous!) for a well deserved dinner.  I am struggling to figure out if life gets better than that.   The house is gorgeous, the couple fantastic, and our time spent together equally precious.  Congrats R&E!

 

What else, what else.

 

The job hunt is not so much a hunt as it is shooting arrows wildly into the forest in every direction, only to have them shot back at you with no points and no fletching. Not helpful.  But! perseverance will prevail!  Employment will be gained! Somehow.

 

Now, the biggest new thing happening to me personally is that I’ve committed to a Personal Trainer. Tom is going to be kicking my butt left, right, and sideways twice a week for 45 minutes.  After 7 months at the gym, and a significant amount of body tightening up, It was time to get even more serious.  I’ve got weight I want to, must, lose and it’s not going to come off on it’s own.  And while I’ve stuck with going to the gym at least twice a week for 7 months, I need something more. I need to keep pushing myself even more, harder than before.  I must lose this weight.  The rest of my life depends upon hitting that healthy moment and then keeping going.  And that’s not an exaggeration.

 

Today was my second session with Tom and everything went well.  Really well, actually.  But it was the last ‘exercise’ that got me into a contemplative mood.  Essentially all I had to do was lay down on the ground on my chest and then stand back up again five times, and then lay on my back and get up again five times.  Sounds simple, right? Wrong.  It was definitely not easy.  There was so much involved, just so much energy and movement and muscles.  It was by far the hardest exercise that I did.

 

Just like life.  It’s fairly easy to get knocked down time and time again.  It’s the getting back up that’s the hardest part.  And all of this, the man who is supporting me, the friends that I’ve found and love, and the gym, this is all part of me getting back up off the ground.

 

And this time, I’m going to remain standing. And then, start running.

Flying Time

Goodness Gracious where does it go!

 

Just a quick note from me today to inform you all that I am indeed still alive.

 

E had this last two weeks off, so we’ve been spending some serious quality time together, and that has left me less time for the writing!

 

But alas, the real world has called and he is back at work.  I’m still fighting with getting my immigration stuff sorted.

 

Upnotes!  I signed up to do a 10k walk next month! Because I am a complete and total nutjob.

 

So i’ve decided to start going to the gym more often.  We’re talking like every weekday more often.  To do at least 30 minutes on the treadmill (I still haven’t fallen off! yay!) during the day and then go back at night with E on his gym nights to do weights.

 

Although, note to self, after last night’s first attempt at doing this program, I really need to eat/drink more sugar/carbs if I’m going to do this kind of training.  Last night resulted in a bit of an insulin crash and I had to stop about 1/3 of the way through my weights routine.

 

Bummer.

 

So that’s what’s been going on.  I’ll post up about the Botanical Gardens in a bit, but first, I gotta get to the gym!

The Treads on the Mill Go Round and Round

One time, a long time ago, I had a terrifyingly traumatic experience with a treadmill.  That is to say that I got onto the treadmill and since I had improper posture/walking/gait/whatever and did not pick up my feet while walking, instead I shuffled everywhere, the treadmill and I were very close in a short period of time.

 

Like face to treads close.

 

Suffice it to say that I have not since gotten on a treadmill.  The memory of that incident, the abject terror of repeating it again, only this time with other people around to witness my humiliation. I simply could not do it.  I would look at the treadmill and think that it would be easier to do, that I could do it and it might end up being better for me than the elliptical/crosstrainer.  I could walk for longer and not get quite as tired.  But I could not quite get the memory of that tragic faceplant out of my mind.  And now that I’m at this gym where I like the people around me? And have actually gained some of their respect?  To lose it all in a moment of utter ridiculousness that would be my flying off the back of the treadmill in a glorious  ball of not yet lost fat?  Yeah, not ideal.

 

So I stuck with the elliptical.  Even though I was feeling that it wasn’t quite doing it for me anymore.  For some reason I felt as though I was not achieving my goals anymore by doing just the elliptical.  Granted, the gym has bikes available, and I know that I can do that, but I’ve found that sitting on the exercise bikes usually ends up being ten minutes worth of trying to not feel like I’ve got the worlds biggest wedgie.  And that is not conducive to getting into the ‘zone’ for a good cardio workout. It’s just not.  So the next step, logically would be the treadmill.  But how do I get over my paralyzing fear?

 

This is where E steps in.  He has more ability to encourage and support me than I think even he is aware of.  His faith in me and his strength of support have been huge.  Also, there is no way I would have gotten onto a treadmill if he were not right next to me.  If I’m going to look like a fool, I want my scrawny-legged man right next to me to make me feel better.

 

Huge props also to the guys at the gym, especially Tom.  He has been huge for my confidence, and him telling me that he knows I can do it while not being overly pushy or insistent has been huge.  He makes me want to push myself to the next level just to be able to prove to him that I can.  If those are not great qualities in a personal trainer, then I don’t know what makes a great personal trainer, obviously.

 

Another big thing was something that I picked up somewhere, but I don’t remember where.  It sounds silly at first, but visualizing myself doing pretty much anything has been a huge help.  Whether it’s been making a dinner that I’ve been thinking about lately, or writing a post that’s been on my mind, or conquering a treadmill, I’ve thought about it for at least a few days.  I know, my posts still sometimes come out very disjointed, but those are usually the ones that were spur of the moment.

 

So after a few weeks of thinking myself through the process of getting onto the treadmill and staying on it I finally did it.

 

I climbed onto the treadmill and started off slowly, but i did it. I managed to do not one, but now two workouts on the thing.  I’m still working my way up to doing the ‘preset’ workouts like the ‘glute busters’ and ‘leg trainer’ but i’m just proud that I haven’t quite fallen off of the machine yet and caused a scene of epic non-awesome proportions.

 

A fitter me, here I come!

Race Recap

Wait what?  Did I read that right?

 

yes, you did.  Do not panic, you have not accidentally stumbled onto a blog that you did not expect to be at.  I did a race today!

 

The Sculpt 6k Run/Walk.

 

And not only did I start the race, but I finished it as well!  BOOM!  78 minutes and 2 seconds!   Yay! Personal best! (it comes down to just about 1k in 13 minutes).   Ok, so I’ve read my friend Andrea’s race recaps and now, I think I’m going to try and do an homage to her and her style.  In other words, copycat!

 

Looks! It was the starting line!  I have no idea how many people there were, but I did see some people with numbers in the 4000s, so we’ll go with that. Somewhere in that mass of 4000 estrogen filled bodies I am.  I was near the back.  Because, well, I’m not a runner, and that’s what walkers do! We stay near the back!

 

There I am!  It is fair to say that all of those lovely ladies around me, well I quickly got left behind by them.  Yeup!  Nothing like the feeling of being dropped to the back of the pack oh-so-quickly.  I started questioning myself at that point, very early on in the race.  If I was being left behind so quickly, by so many other women, what in the world was I doing here?  If I could be left behind just like that, even with walking at a fairly fast pace, was I going to be the very last one through the finish line?  Will everybody else have been packed up and waiting for me to show up so that they could leave?  Would I have the trailer car behind me, creeping along after me and picking up the traffic cones?

 

But nevertheless! I put on the Biggest Loser Workout Mix (Latin walking beats!) and I put my head down and walked.  I yelled at that voice in my head and told it to shut up and sit at the back of the bus and I kept going.  Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?  You’re supposed to yell at your inner demons and make them behave, right?

 

Ee waited for me on one of the street corners, just so that he could take some pictures of me ‘en route’.

 

This is me getting completely lapped by a runner.  Completely.  Ee said that the first runners started to show up for their 2nd lap within ten minutes of my leaving the starting line.  I know that I’m nowhere up to that particular speed, and I doubt I ever will be, but still that’s impressive!  At this point, I was still breathing and moving to the Latin Beat!  And Holy Cow.  Looking at this picture just helps me see that I really have lost some weight.  Especially around the top half of my body.  I still have a ways to go, but man, I have actually gotten a bit smaller!  Neat!

 

Ok, so maybe not that much smaller from this angle.  But look at that! There I go! Off towards the 2nd lap!  3k down and only 3k more to go! WOO!

 

So the weather this morning was a bit overcast, and somewhere around the 3.5k mark it started to drizzle.  Actually at that point it was fairly welcome.  I don’t know if my brain told me to do this or if it was something that I had picked up as a suggestion from somebody, but I found a group of ladies that seemed to be 1) used to this kind of thing and 2) keeping a fairly even pace, so I decided to stay near them.  I didn’t turn their trio into a quartet, but I did keep them in my sights and did my best to stay as close to them as I could.  They were my marker.  They moved to avoid a pothole, I moved to avoid the pothole.  I had decided that those ladies and I were getting to the finish line at the same time if I had to run to keep up with them.

 

Luckily, I didn’t have to run!

 

Those Ladies will never know just how much I appreciate them being there.  They were an anchor that helped pull me through the last half of the race.  The other anchor, of course, being Ee.  He stood on street corners to take pictures of me passing by.  And then he would run ahead to stand on another street corner.  He would walk alongside me for a minute, just to give me some encouragement and then race ahead to be waiting for me at the finish line.

What’s that you say? Finish line?

 

Oh yes, That is indeed what that says there.  Finish Line!

 

Whoo!

 

So the ladies in red sprinted a bit to cross the line in 1hour, 18 minutes exactly, and I was two seconds behind them.  that makes my new Personal Best for 6k; 1:18:02.  YES!  I told myself that I would be happy with anything so long as it didn’t go over 1:30:00.  And I didn’t!  I wasn’t even close!  Well ok, I was closer to that time than some others were, but still!  The point is, I beat the goal that I set for myself, I wasn’t the last person through the finish, and I actually did finish!

 

 

Lookit that smile!  That is the look of somebody who has achieved a goal, and doesn’t feel too tired about it!

 

All in all, the race was fairly, dare I say it, easy.  My feet hurt a bit right now, and I have a long way to go before I am overly happy with my body shape and the changes that I want to make, but I set myself a goal and I met, and surpassed, it.  And that is huge!

 

And now, that I am basking in my glory of being accomplished, I really do have to thank some people.  Andrea and Ellen and Kati for being some of the most awesome sources of support in this.  I started to have doubts, but then you ladies picked me back up and put back on the right path.  You probably didn’t even realize you were doing it, that’s how awesome you are.  So thanks for that! To the folks at the end of the race, the ones who stood at the finish line and cheered and applauded for everybody else as they finished.  I can’t even being to say what that felt like.  Or what it meant.  That was amazing, to walk through the finish line and to have people cheering for you because you had finished something that you started.  Everybody should get that feeling more often.  Not all the time, but it was definitely a feeling of intense pleasure and accomplishment and a job well done.  Huge. Just huge.

 

And for Ee.  You woke up at 7am on a sunday morning.  You rolled out of the nice warm bed on a dreary, chilly weekend to drive me into the city.  You waited on street corners for me and took pictures of me doing something that I had been meaning to do and accomplishing that which I needed to accomplish.  You waited in the drizzly, rainy morning among all the other people also waiting, and at the end of the race you were there.  You hugged me, you kissed me, and you bought me frozen lemonade.  You have been such a huge support for me in all of this, in every little bit that I’ve wanted to get done and you have helped push me so much that I am now doing things I never thought possible.  You have made all of this that much better, and that much worth it.

 

So that’s it, my friends!  My first Race Recap!  Holy cow!

 

Thanks for sticking around with me on this amazing journey, It’s only going to get better from here!

 

Now, I’m going to go soak my feet in some epsom salts, curl up with some hot tea and a book, and enjoy the rainy sunday afternoon.

Insomnia

So here I am. 1am on tuesday morning.  And I’m still awake.

 

What could possibly be bothering me?

 

My Nanowrimo is done (unofficially and more about that later), my FBI paperwork came back clean and healthy (like there was really any doubt), I have a game plan for where and when and how to go through and finish up this visa application (ugh tediousness).  There really is nothing overly heavy weighing on my mind.

 

Except.

 

Well, I’m still unemployed. Which granted at this point is planned until after I get my new visa and then I can look for things that are not ‘temporary’ or ‘contract’ but I can actually get full time work.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean that I am ok with being unemployed.    And I still have no idea what it is I would like to do.  Call centers, retail, go back to school?  Maybe a bit of this and a bit of that?  But all of that requires some soul searching.  And I just am not good at soul searching.  Especially if it involves any form of meditation.  My brain just refuses to slow down.

 

Also, I am thinking about the whole ‘what next’ part of my writing.  I have no done my 6th Nanowrimo. I have now hit my 6th mark of 50,000 words in so many years.  My world and my plot are coming together better now than they ever have before.  So what next?  Do I move on? do I try to finish up? Do I gather all of my previous writing and notes and details on this subject and scour them for details, information, bits and pieces and then put that all into notes on Scrivener (awesome program btw), and actually honestly attempt to write this book?  Or books?  Do I have the willpower to sit through, sift through, all of my writing over the years, trash what is crap and keep what is good, build on the rest and actually come out ahead with a story that maybe somebody somewhere will want to read?   Do I have this willpower?

 

Do I have the willpower to keep up with the weight loss?  I can tell that I’m losing weight because my pants are slowly starting to come off around my waist.  But my hips are still the same size they were, so no real loss there.  Also means no new pants.  Just have to keep fiddling with the old pants.  Can I really keep up with this? Can I lose enough weight so that when I head back to the States next year to visit, mom and I can go shopping for new clothes for me and I can actually maybe not wear the ‘fat girl clothes’?  How much willpower do I really have stored up?

 

And is it even willpower that I need? Perhaps what I really need is ambition.  I don’t really seem to have any of that.  Ambition.  It’s a funny word.  In some cases it is a strong, positive, encouraging term. In others it’s dirty, nasty, unkind.  And it seems to be difficult to balance the two levels perfectly.  What is a good level of ambition? And how do I get there?  Now that I think about it, Ambition seems to be the core of most of my problems.  Yeah, I know, First world problems and all that.

 

But really.  I never had many ambitions as a kid, or even as a young adult.  To be happy and to be loved for who I was were about the only things I was ever determined to secure for myself.  And, well, now I have those.  And I’m lost.  I have no real ambitions.  Dreams, sure I have those aplenty, but ambitions?  To be a writer who can tell her stories and have people want to read them.  That could be one.  That’s about as close to an ambition as I have.  But I am still very unsure of how to necessarily achieve that goal.

 

I’ll have to do some more thinking on this.  I’ll get back to you.

 

But for now, It’s almost 130.  My mint tea is just warm enough to drink while still being hot enough to be soothing to the rather unhappy stomach that I have now (i think it doesn’t like peanut butter anymore), and I’m hoping that a few minutes of window shopping for a new menorah is going to be enough to settle my brain and calm my whatever it is that’s keeping me awake.

 

So good night, good morning, and have a pleasant day.

Mrs. Harris

Dear Mrs. Harris,

 

You might not remember me, it was a long time ago that you were my physical education teacher.  A very long time ago.  You pushed me to get those ten sit-ups done, you cajoled me to doing those push-ups, and you rebuked me for failing to even attempt the pull-ups.  You understood when I changed in the bathroom stalls, as opposed to changing in the locker room.  You listened when I cried about being fat and useless.  And you had sympathy for when I fell and sprained my ankle in the wrestling room.  You encouraged me when we played kickball, and showed me the best way to dodge at dodgeball.

 

I hated your guts.

 

I know, that’s not fair. It wasn’t really you so much as it was the subject that you taught.  had you been any other teacher I probably would have sung your praises for how well you managed the fragile egos of the charges given to you in those oh-so turbulent times of middle school. But you taught Physical education.  The most loathed class of any fat kid.  Kickball was a nightmare, always last for the team. Dodgeball was painful, almost literally, I never played baseball and touch football almost always ended badly.  But the more horrifying thing in the world, the terrible, awful, torturous event was the Physical Fitness Test.

 

Now, I don’t really remember if that was the actual name of it.  It was one of those things that I think started with President Kennedy and then continued on through the years.  Every year, every student, had to pass a physical fitness test.  This included everything. Height, Weight, BMI, Jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, the sit forward and reeeeach for that ruler, pull ups, and the dreaded Mile.

 

Oh, the Mile.  On a dust and dirt covered track around the football field, one lap around was one quarter of a mile. Four laps.  You had to get 4 laps done, and the set time was 15 minutes.  The Mile. That dreaded torture device.  Pullups were easy, I couldn’t do them, I touched the bar and that was it.  I could get out 10 situps if I tried, and 10 pushups too.  I could never reach very far down the ruler, but nobody expected me to.  But the Mile.  The one thing that would get gym teachers from every corner of the school to converge on one spot in order to yell.  You encouragement sounded like jeering, your shouts to keep going brought only feelings of hate.

 

I hated the Mile and I hated you.

 

It wasn’t your fault. you were doing what you had to do. It was part of the national curriculum and that I understand now. But oh, how I hated you.

 

But, what brings this up now? all these years of repressed anger and hatred towards the dreaded Mile?  The one thing that I was never able to beat. Fifteen minutes.  I think the closest I ever got was seventeen minutes.  After which, I collapsed on the grass of the football field and promptly attempted to stop living.  Or at least breathing.  So what brings these memories up? what causes them to come to the forefront today?

 

Well, mrs. Harris are you listening because this is important, I walked a mile today.  I actually walked closer to 1.5 miles, but all the same, I walked a mile today.  And I did it in under fifteen minutes.

 

Did you hear that?  Fourteen minutes and forty-seven seconds!  Me!  Me who couldn’t even think about doing a Mile on that flat dusty track in under 17 minutes. Me who was so out of shape that the thought of more jumping jacks made me want to vomit.  I actually managed to do a 15 minute mile.  Without dying! Without needing an inhaler or a respirator or to have my heart restarted!

 

So, Mrs Harris, from so long in the past to this point in my life right now, I want to say thank you.  Thank you for your understanding. Thank you for your kindness, and your encouragement.  It might have taken me almost twenty years, but I have finally made it past that point!

 

You can mark me off your clipboard now!  I am on my way to physically fit!

Rollercoaster

Man.

Life can be such a downer sometimes.

No really.

I start feeling like I can move up and on with things and life just pushes me back down with a firm hand.

sucks.

really.

but what can you do?

Get back up, off your ass, dust yourself off, and push back.

There can be tears, it’s ok to cry.

But don’t let yourself be kept down.

Fight.

Stand.

Win.

Ok, so this post started off to be just a normal post and then I started thinking about a roller coaster and I wanted to do a ‘typing format’ experiment, so I forwent my usual doubletap enter button and only single tapped it in order to attempt to give that first bit the look of a roller coaster. Up and down. Up and down. Not sure if it worked or not, but there you go.  e.e. cummings i am not.

But no, emotional roller coasters are a thing.  They happen.  You don’t have to be depressed to go through them. You don’t even have to be female.  Everybody has their good days, their great days, and their bad days. And their really bad days.   Last sunday was a really really bad day for me.  It actually started saturday night and just evolved into a massive mess on sunday.  My brain started focusing on everything that could go wrong. My visa application being denied. Getting hurt. Staying unemployed. Not finding a job that I enjoy. E coming to resent me because I’m not working. Losing focus on this weight loss.  Being overweight to begin with. being thirty and not having a clear sense of anything that I like other than cooking, american politics, and writing.  Also, classical music.  But what can you make all of that into?  A cookbook about american politics?  How would that even work?

But, slowly I got out of it. After bouts of just sitting down and crying for no reason, I slowly fixed myself.  And that happens.  To everybody.  Nobody is perfectly happy all the time. If they were, they’d probably be dead bone of the rest of us poor people would have shot them by now.  I am, in my life now, the happiest I have ever been.  I have a man who loves me, I have some goals that I’m working towards, and I have friends.  I am in so many ways ecstatically happy.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sad at times.  That I don’t give into those voices in my head on bad days.  That I can’t curl up in a ball and cry for no real reason.  Crying is good for the soul. It cleanses.

What I’m saying is, it’s ok to have a bad day.  You need to have one every now and then.

And then, you need to get your ass back up off the ground, look those bad moods in the eyes, punch them into the oblivion, and focus on getting back to where you were before.   It’s ok to have a bad day. It’s not ok to let one bad day derail everything.

Also, Happy New Year!

Sculpt 6k

Well. I’ve gone and done it now.

 

I signed up, registered and everything, to do a 6k run/walk in december.

 

6k?!!?  Holy smokes!

 

It’s pretty much a flat course, down in the CBD, 2 loops around a 3k block, with some chance to look out over the harbor on what will hopefully be a gorgeous summer day.  The plan to get ready for this?  Well, the website had a 5week walking plan set up.  Which basically involves walking 3 days a week for 15, 20, 25, 30 minutes a week respectively, and then taking week 5 a bit easier since that’s race week.  Well considering that for 3 days a week i’m going to the gym and walking on the elliptical for a total of 25 minutes a day, plus all the walking that I do around the house, I think I can manage that. Also, it’s in the CBD!  Which means there’s plenty to look at while walking!  I don’t intend to be leisurely about this, and I am taking it seriously.

 

But who says I can’t admire the architecture along the way?  Or marvel at the view of the harbor as I truck my big butt past it?

 

I am not going to be coming in first.  I am not even looking to ‘place’ or whatever. I am more looking to just be able to say “I finished!” And if I can say that I finished a 6k, then I can finish and do pretty much anything and everything else.  There will be no negativity about this (oh I’m sure there will be, but I will fight it), only positivety.

 

I can do this. I have what it takes.  I have some amazingly inspirational people out there.  There’s Genny who is on Facebook as “My goal to loose 100lbs in 1 year”.  There’s Kevin, over at http://350andfalling.blogspot.com  His pictures of before and current are amazingly helpful.  And there’s Andrea at http://runeatdatesleep.wordpress.com  .

 

Plus the friends that I have here in Auckland, and other parts of new zealand, friends and family back home, and the group of crazy guys from the Penny Arcade Forums’ Weightloss Challenge.  If these guys can do this, then so can I.

 

Look out world! Here I come!